Fifty…and getting away from what I Want

Where do I want to be at the age of Fifty ?

Hmm, that’s a tough question.  That version of myself changes with every day that goes by.  I constantly wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  There are those constants that never change; faith and family.  At the age I am now, I can honestly say that everyday before going to sleep my goals change; my dedication readjusts.

What happens is that you decide that there are certain things that you can never ” put on the line”.  The bible says that you can’t serve more than one Lord at a time.  If you try, sooner or later you will serve the one and forget more and more about the other.  So why is it that we try to flirt with this idea so much?  Those two things that I mentioned before are the most important to me.  If you take a step back and think, I’m sure that there are a few things that will shine as yours.  Maybe you can think of a time or two when you have, even if inadvertently, exchanged those things.  Compromised.  This is what happens when we are not careful; when we put those important things “on the line.”

It’s difficult.  It’s not everyday that someone asks us about what we value.  It’s a dangerous game of chance in our head.  It’s all part of that phenomena; where “I saw that going differently in my head.”  We can feel that we have the reason and the means and the perspective.  But that’s only what you think.  That’s only what I think; it’s inconsistent with reality and truth.  The Bible says that we can not say anything about ourselves.  Instead it’s the testimony of others, the sky and earth that that matter most.  Uh oh…..   Scratching your head yet?  In other words, where did I get this idea that I could possibly do anything or make a decision worth while on my own?  It’s a hazardous moment when you decide you have all the answers.  False.

So I can’t say that I know how much money I expect to have at fifty.  I’m not sure where I need to live or what I’ll be doing for a living at that age.  It’s not so much about “want” anymore for me.  Not with a wife and a baby on the way!!   To me, what I want is a joke.  It’s about what they need and what I need to provide them all of that and more.  At fifty, I just want to know one thing: I was able to maintain even under pressure of this world.  I want to know that I never put the important things on the line or in exchange for anything.  That sounds like a good retirement plan for me no matter the size of the bank account or where I’m sitting at on a map.


2 thoughts on “Fifty…and getting away from what I Want

  1. I turned 50 this year Jerry, and I know exactly what you are talking about. I could no longer comprise and that is why I left my job to concentrate on the thing that I am most passionate about- writing. You have a good attitude.

    Liked by 1 person

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